Posted on by Jana Greene · 4 Comments

Mental Health Checklist (or “pants are overrated”…)

Well, at least Catsby has found it …

Hello, Dear Reader.

So, on a scale from “I am zen-ned out, self-aware, and at one with the Universe” to “Britney Spears circa 2007,” where are you today on your mental health wellness scale? I am somewhere in between, myself. One way to assess your mental health is to make a checklist.

Now, I LOVE checklist, any kind of list. They make me feel like I might have at least 2% of my shit together on any given day. And I will re-write lists multiple times if I mess up on ONE line of the list. Also my grocery list has to be in the order of where it is in the store (from left to right) because OCD reasons, of course. (Oh…I was going to go to Walmart, but now I’m going to Lowe’s Foods, and OH MY GOD NOW I HAVE TO RE-DO THIS LIST BECAUSE THINGS ARE SHELVED IN A SEPARATE ORDER.)

I”m not proud of this, it just is what it is.

So whilst sitting in my car one day, listening to Creed at top volume because I was stressed out and Creed calms me (go figure.) I thought, hmmmm. I should open the “notes” app on my iPhone and start a mental health checklist….you know, kind of take my own mental health temperature. I had been scrolling through the pictures on my phone and noticed that there were approximately a jillion pictures of my cats in the camera app. I also noticed that the number of pictures of cats, food, and inappropriate memes is directly proportionate to the amount of anxiety I am feeling.

So, here is my own list verbatim. You will notice a spiraling affect as I typed stream-of-consciousness style. Why not make your own? It makes for interesting reading after the panic attack passes!

  1. How many pictures have I taken of my cat today?
  2. Both cats?
  3. Ok, all THREE?
  4. Group shots?
  5. How long has it been since I have worn pants?
  6. Without drawstrings…
  7. How many edifying Brene Brown videos have I watched on YouTube lately?
  8. How many serial killer documentaries have I watched lately?
  9. (It’s important to have balance…)
  10. Did I take my meds?
  11. Morning, noon, AND night?
  12. And the 2 pm anti-inflammatory?
  13. Wait..what time IS it now?
  14. What DAY is it?
  15. What YEAR is it?
  16. I know it’s 2019, because I turned 50 this year.
  17. Oh, God. I’m old.
  18. I’m like the Crypt Keeper!
  19. I’m hungry.
  20. But that cellulite, tho.
  21. Have I counted the dimples in my cellulite recently?
  22. I remember when I met My Beloved. I didn’t have ANY cellulite…
  23. Am I obsessing about fat now?
  24. Yes. Yes, I am. What would my kick-ass therapist say?
  25. Note to self: Make appointment with my therapist.
  26. She would tell me that I have the power to change my thoughts.
  27. So, here goes – I’m deliberately change my thoughts….
  28. Think about my friends.
  29. Especially the crazy ones like myself who “get” it.
  30. Have I actually laid eyes on a friend recently…not just messaged or texted?
  31. I need to call THAT friend now.
  32. The one who understands the struggles.
  33. She is really something special…
  34. I appreciate my friends.
  35. My cats are my friends, too.
  36. How many pictures have I taken of my cat today?……

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Have a wonderful day, Reader. Don’t forget to make your mental health a priority! And call that friend that “gets” you. You are worth “getting!”

Posted on by Jana Greene · 9 Comments

Welcome to the Club!

“I’d never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.” – Woody Allen

By: Jana Greene

Hello, and welcome to my new blog, “So She Laughed Anyway.”

I here decree that this blog right here is being written for the sheer enjoyment. No agenda. No platform. Just a purging forth of thoughts from my very crowded, moderately chaotic head. It ain’t gonna be for everyone, but everyone is welcome to join me down the rabbit hole.

As you may know, I also write at TheBeggarsBakery.net. For six years, I have lovingly reared that blog. The main focus of my first blog is addiction recovery, as I am an alcoholic in recovery and recently celebrated 18 years of not drinking. The Beggar’s Bakery is still active, and it’s where I go to wax poetic and pen angsty posts. It’s my “epiphany” blog. There is much to be had there for spiritual encouragement, as it chronicles many facets of my faith and recovery. Like most endeavors, mistakes were made, but wondrous things came to pass as well.

The thing is … I’m not sure I would call the life stage I’m currently “enjoying” wondrous. Perhaps “survivable” is a better word. I’m in a different place than I was five years ago; a more self-aware, inclusive, and slightly jaded place. I’ve got several major chronic illnesses that manifest in painful and debilitating ways.

Over the past few years, I have also deconstructed my fundamentalist faith, and opened my mind to a Gospel I’d never known. The process has been challenging, maddening, eye-opening, and AMAZING. Deconstructing and deciding what you know to be true can be traumatic as well. Trauma is a thing I’ve known well since childhood.

What could be funny about alcoholism and shitty health? What’s knee-slapping about Trauma and its two ugly stepdaughters, Depression and Anxiety?

A LOT, as it turns out.

Maybe you are like me. I just turned 50, and I’m ready to settle into my ways and become a curmudgeon-ess. But you see, life keeps hurling new objects at me and most of them are hitting me upside the head. Get used to one thing, and BOOM! Time to get used to yet another “new normal.”

And maybe things in your life didn’t exactly turn out as you’d planned, even if you dotted all your “i”s and crossed all your “t”s. Maybe you took perfect care of your body, but in mid-life, the ‘ol earth suit is letting you down anyway. Maybe your kids are grown now and you find yourself sitting on the edge of your bed each morning asking yourself who the Hell you actually ARE. Maybe getting dressed for the day is a monumental accomplishment because you’re too sad to even wear clothes. Or maybe you drink wine by the box to keep from running away from your family (what, no? Perhaps that was just me then.)

So I’m staking my claim here on this little, tiny bit of real estate on the web. I’m thinking it will be a journal, more or less. Observations with snarkiness and observations of not-so-snarkiness. Some entries will cover heavy material, but I’m going to keep it as light as I can.

This blog, I think, will be far more “stream of consciousness” than taking myself too seriously.

And maybe – just maybe – this blog will help others know they are not alone, and initiate laughter into the Club that is made up of our coping mechanisms.

Welcome, the hurting and the hapless.

Welcome those who feel misunderstood.

Welcome to those who have had to learn that laughter truly is the best medicine.

Welcome the chronically ill and the chronically fed-up.

Welcome to ALL.

Please give this blog a follow. As always, I’m so grateful for your readership.